I Fail.

I shouldn’t write this review. It’s not really fair to write reviews about movies that you haven’t finished, but Crank: High Voltage

lost me.

I loved the first one. After watching Crank I thought Jason Statham was the coolest guy EVER; in fact I was pretty sure he used up also most all of the cool that is allotted for balding British guys. Crank had snappy humor, tons of action, and a healthy dose of nudity. Fantastic, a great action flick that isn’t crash, boom, Bay. So of course I was looking forward to part 2.

I’m not going to complain about how much suspension of disbelief is necessary to buy into the plot (the mostly dead body of Chev Chelios is scooped up by some more angry gangsters. They snatch his heart and give him a fake one, leaving him alive so their boss can have the joy of seeing him killed. This, of course, leads Chelios to chase folks all over the city). I’m a horror fan; I can get on board for some really far-fetched shit. My problems with this one lay elsewhere.

From the beginning things were just too shaky and confusing. Like everyone involved in the filming was on a drastic combination of coke and ecstasy. I’m also not a big fan of a first person style camera shot (don’t know the technical term for this, think first person shooter video games), which was used frequently. Honestly though, I think I could have lived with that.

What finally made me throw in the towel was the porn vibe. I like a good set of titties as much as the next person, but that much naked is just trying to compensate for something. After watching Amy Smart (love love love her) get felt up by a fellow stripper in the back of a cop car for no reason I could fathom I finally gave it up and started in on the laundry. If I want to watch chicks getting up on each other I’ve got quite the collection on the bedroom shelf, I don’t find that it’s necessary to my action flicks.

The boy finished it and told me I didn’t miss much. I’ll probably try to get through it again (if nothing else just because I hope Bai Ling's character gets the crap kicked out of her again. She was so fucking annoying), but for the time being I’ll suffice to say I wasn’t impressed. (This does not, however, diminish my love for Jason Statham. Just thought I’d throw that out there.)