Funny thing about movies, horror in particular, you know from the opening when a movie is set in Louisiana. I mean, everyone knows there’s nothing but swamp here and everyone’s Grandmama knows voodoo or hoodoo or something to that effect. And we all row around in pirogues all day. In fact that’s how I got to work today. But I digress.
Venom
is a supernatural slasher flick set right here in my home state where everything is all swampy and scary.
To be brutally honest, it’s a lame movie. It probably won’t rank among the top ten in my worst horror flicks ever but it’s pretty damn bad.
The cast hit a few of modest notes with the appearance of Jonathan Jackson (Riding the Bullet, General Hospital), Laura Ramsey (The Covenant), and Bijou Phillips (Hostel II, Bully). It’s a cast of people you know but you don’t really know where the hell you know them from. I talk a lot about stock characters and this film takes it to the extreme. Not only was every character an idea that’s been done a million times but it seemed as if the actors even felt it and threw in the towel. Phillips death scene as the about to be shattered Tammy was ridiculously unbelievable. I honestly wished she would have been offed about two minutes before it actually happened just to shut up the insanely fake wailing. And quite frankly the gay guy should have been much much gayer.
Along with the halfass performances there was a pile of played out story line. It began with Grandma creeping around in the graveyard in the middle of the night digging up some evil. Then we moved on to the development of the villain… you know, the one that never meant to be a villain but happened on some unfortunate circumstances that made him evil. And of course there was the heroine with the hard life, desperate to leave the small town behind. If I didn’t know better I’d be half inclined to believe that a couple of twelve year olds wrote this screen play after reading too many Fear Street books.
What kept this rubbish from being completely meritless? Well, I saw to the end just to see if my original assumption that the pretty boy boyfriend would never make it was right. And, of course, I was. Sorry, Lucky, you’re a little too cute to live, here’s a screwdriver to the dome. There were some other high points as well; watching snake guy Ray wreck shop with his tire iron was fun. Also you can pretty much guarantee you are fucked out of luck when you try to flee only to find your car (your bug) on its top. If you find the wheels of your car in the air you are destined to fail at horror movie survival. It says a lot that humor , not scare factor, made this bearable.
I would suggest buying this if you find it in the five dollar bin…in a combo pack… with two other, better movies.
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