The Anatomy of Fear and My Love for the Mighty Ducks

Fear is personal. Hence a variety of “types” of horror movies. You have slasher flicks, monster flicks, and the kind that gets me, the haunting flick. My buddy Shady says the ones that get him are the slasher flicks; they make him wonder who may be watching him and planning how to off him. Me, I don’t worry about that. If guy in a mask is waiting behind my bathroom door to grab me I figure I can give him a struggle and hit him with all the crap that’s lying on the counter. He may get me in the end, but damnit, he’s gonna limp away. But then the idea of something supernatural creeping up behind me, something I can’t clock in the mouth with a bottle of perfume, gives me the heebs.

Hence the surprise when watching Shutter

I admit I bought Shutter because of the Mighty Ducks. More specifically my long standing relationship with Joshua Jackson that started with the Mighty Ducks. I was probably about 12. Of course I mooned over most of the cast of cuties but Joshua Jackson was the stand out. Adorable little Charlie. Sigh. To this day I still can’t kick those movies. Any time I happen on one I can pretty much guarantee I’ll sit and watch, completely engrossed. (Sweet Jesus, why am I admitting that to the internets?)

So there I was in the movie store seeing nothing that screamed “WATCH ME”. I saw Shutter and said to the boy “Aw, I love Joshua Jackson. Such a damn shame he never gets good roles.” The boy, of course, ignored me. So I proceeded to tell him I was buying it; that actually provoked the response of “And I’m not watching it with you.” Fast forward to movie night. I warned Shady that this was going to be bad. Asian inspired and lame. We were prepared to be underwhelmed. I also planned to try and refrain from yelling things like “flying V!” and “ducks fly together!” at the TV.

But there was no need!

My jeers were completely unnecessary as I found myself wholly engrossed in the flick.

I remembered from the previews that Jackson’s character, photographer Ben, was a bad guy (hey, people who make trailers, could you please stop giving away the whole movie? K, thanks). So immediately when Ben and new wife Jane mow down the creepy Asian lady on the deserted back road I decided that she was already dead and he killed her. This theory was given weight as the police found no body post wreck and the photographs that Ben takes all come out laden with odd images. My inner critic sighed. But then things got a little thicker.

The movie progresses and Jane is informed that the odd images are of a supernatural nature, also we’re introduced to Ben’s sleazy friends and knowledge of foreshadowing tells us that they played some part in this debacle.

While this movie is lacking in violence and gore there are plenty of scenes that make the skin crawl. There are the overt scenes where our ghost stalks Ben in the flicker of camera lights and there are less obvious scenes like when Jane goes to meet a writer at a magazine specializing in supernatural photographs. At the magazine office there’s a room where the walls are covered with “real” pictures (verses the ones they fake for their readership. Ah, truth in journalism). The overwhelmingly eerie vibe of the room and Jane’s cautious exploration makes the viewer prepare for a jump scene. But there’s none. Just a lingering shot of the room through the open door. Most effective.

The film carried on at a decent pace. The sleazy friends are dispatched in a mildly violent manner and Ben finally admits that he had dated miss ghosty (Megumi) and had broken it off when she got too clingy. This led to her suicide. Jane discovers that the Megumi, in apparition form, had been with them all the while via an appearance in their wedding photos. The couple then finds Megumi’s body and give her a proper burial hoping this will end things. It kinda does.

After all this business the couple decided to head home to New York. At their apartment, with help from more Megumi photo ops, Jane discovers the whole truth hidden in Ben’s old camera. Ben allowed his buds to rape Megumi while he did nothing to help (even snapped some pics. Sick fucker). Jane bounces. But the big reveal goes on.

Ben has a phenomenal melt down snapping away with his Polaroid trying to find Megumi, only to find that she’s on his freaking shoulders! Cringe and skin crawl. So he tries to get rid of her. With electricity!

The final shot finds Ben in a pysch ward. And then it cuts to the reflection in the glass inlay of the door. She’s still there! Ack!

Of course this movie got panned by critics and most people who saw it. It’s a remake and it wasn’t nearly as good, it’s brainless Hollywood drivel, yadda yadda.

I guess I’m stupid. Because even though it’s brainless and without a touch of originality (general consensus), I appreciated it. In fact I found myself turning on lights and avoiding looking at pictures afterward. Even wondering briefly about the boy’s ex ladies. In short, its lingering effect kind of scared me. And isn’t that the only thing a horror flick is supposed to do? Linger and give you the creeps?

A Pun About Not Watching Should Go Here

I like a good psycho thriller. Sometimes a little suspense and cop drama is just what I'm looking for. The Watcher

would not fall into this category.

First, let me admit, I have a bias about Keanu Reeves. I think the man is possibly one of the worst actors ever (seriously this isn't much of a stretch). But the man looks so fucking cool. I'm not kidding around here. What he lacks in actual acting ability, he makes up in ability to look cool. No one else could have played Neo. Only Keanu looks that cool.

Regardless, the boy said that The Watcher would be worth watching. I was biting at first. My hat is off to James Spader; he had that broody cop thing down. The plot was pretty easy to get behind. Psycho is stalking cop and sending him pictures of the ladies he intends to kill. Cop has x amount of time to find the lady before psycho gets all gung-ho with the piano wire. Ah, piano wire, your messy and effective way of getting the job done is so underused. So I'm all there, enthralled and rooting for the cops to catch Mr. Psycho. And they get close! Cue chase scene. Crash! Boom! The psycho runs over a gas pump with cops behind him in hot pursuit..... and that's where this one drew my ire.

Again and again I've cited my ability to suspend disbelief when called for. A movie gives you a set of ideas to work with and you accept it (dead things come back, black magic exists, etc). Fine. But when you've been working with the premise that all the things in a given movie could really happen and then you suddenly throw some bullshit at me, well I take that as an invite to yell profanities at the TV. (The boy hates it when that happens.) The problem here? Post gas pump knock down our perp's car is covered in gas. He reaches out his lighter and lights the hood of his car on fire. The fire races to the pumps and the cop cars and everything blows. Except his car. What. The. Fuck.

I don't think the most inventive/sick/groundbreaking ending could have pulled me back in after that. The ending wasn't bad really, but I was just done.

When choosing between watching The Watcher again or slamming my finger in the door repeatedly, I'd choose The Watcher but just barely.