Reasons Not to be Vain

I don’t like mirrors. Ever since I was a kid and was freaked by that Bloody Mary game I’ve been mirror paranoid. I’m convinced one of these days I’ll look into a mirror, see something that shouldn’t be there, and have to live the rest of my life medicated. However, I love Keifer Sutherland. Hence watching Mirrors.

I saw it in the theaters when it first came out. I remember being suitable freaked after the show. Had mostly forgotten about it until the boy and I lost our minds at our movie store’s closing sale (I’m still in mourning). By lost our minds I mean we went home with a sack full of flicks. So movie night rolled around and given the choice of Mirrors or the Friday the Thirteenth remake (shut up. There are a lot of gratuitous tit shots in that flick.), Shady chose Mirrors.

Just minutes in, “suicide” via slitting the throat with a broken shard of mirror. (I have to say, while I don’t know if it’s possible, I’d be pretty impressed if someone did manage to slit their own throat that viciously. I mean that would prove that they really wanted to kill the shit out of themselves. I know, I know, me considering this kind of bullshit is probably indicative of some real issues). Shudder. Not a lot of explanation, just a babbling, terrified guy pleading with his on creepy looking image in a mirror and then spurting blood. I’m in love already.

Fast forward a bit and Sutherland’s Ben Carson is starting a new job. He’s becoming a security guard at an upscale department store that’s been crispy fried. The wise older guard takes him on a tour of the place and Carson notices that the mirrors are super shiny. Old guard tells him that the last guy who worked there had kept them that way.

At first his patrolling seems to be going fairly normally but this is a horror flick so some craziness starts happening. Carson begins to see things in the mirrors. Handprints, himself on fire, crispy ladies wailing in dressing rooms, the kind of stuff that one expects to see in a burnt department store…. in a horror movie. I have to note that these scenes are done fairly well. You know the jump is coming but you’re made to wait just long enough for it to get under your skin. Moving along Carson gets a package from the previous guard (the throat cutting, mirror cleaning guy), Gary Lewis, it’s chock full of clippings about the fire, the guy who did it, and most importantly, a note that says Esseker. After checking out Lewis’ body Carson becomes convinced that the mirrors are making people do things. Like off themselves. In really fucked up ways. Which is exactly what happens to his sister who dies in the bathtub after ripping the bottom half of her jaw off. In glorious bloody detail. Although I would have loved to see more of Amy Smart I couldn’t discredit this death scene. That was some good, gory shit. The flick continues to get all twisty and turny with Carson’s family coming under attack (you always gotta put some kids in peril. You want a decent horror flick, you put some kids in deadly/near death situations). Further twisting and turning turns up some demon possession and a nun. And a nun possessed by a demon! Good times, I tell you, good times. And then with one last little twist the you find yourself at the ending thinking “oh, that’s just fucked up”.

Given my known issues with mirrors I don’t know if I’m objective about this movie’s scare factor. I mean I was opening the medicine cabinet so I didn’t glance at the mirror accidentally while I brushed my teeth. Other people may not get quite the case of the creeps that I did due solely to the fair amount of cheese that comes about with a possessed nun. Me though, I’m rating this one pretty highly.