Coming Up

I wanted to be blogging instead of doing school work, so I gave in.

I’m pretty excited about some new flicks on the horizon, lots of hack, slash, and even some 3D gore coming up soon. The three at the top of my gotta see list:

Jennifer’s Body



Me and just about every other straight male in the world want to see this one. Personally I am not a fan of Megan Fox. Her acting has been pretty weak and she’s got that distinct trailer park look about her. (I find it funny that she’s been clamoring about being taken more seriously as an actress and then she goes and gets herself signed on for a horror flick. That’s surely the way to get you an Oscar.) But in the case of Jennifer’s Body she seems a perfect fit for the title character. The other starring role is played by Amanda Seyfried (but will get sooo much less press) who I think is adorable.

It’s a teen flick about a gorgeous, popular cheerleader who gets possessed by a demon and starts eating boys. We can expect some snappy dialogue since it’s from the writer of Juno which I think is a good thing. I’m of the mind that teen slasher flicks most often go wrong when they take themselves too seriously (think “I Know What You Did Last Summer”, those kids just seemed far too serious, even for a bunch who were getting hunted and butchered by a fisherman).

So we have a hot chick eating up boys and some giggles with a big fat R rating (and my oh my do R ratings make me happy). It opens September 18th and if you take a peek at the website make sure you watch the restricted trailer (it makes it look much better).

Halloween 2



Upon the release of Rob Zombie’s remake of Halloween, I sat in my favorite seat (center of the row about two from the back) in the theater prepared for the worst. I had seen House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects and the only thing worth mentioning about them was Sheri Moon Zombie and all her abundant hotness (you want hot chick? Megan Fox has NOTHING on Sheri Moon Zombie!). For me, Halloween was one of the most delicious film surprises ever! Daeg Faerch’s Michael Myers was 100% bone chilling, (I can’t tell you how many times I replayed the scene where he beat the bully to death in the woods. I think all school aged bullies should be made to watch that scene and issued the warning that “this could be you, you mean little fucker”) Zombie’s vision of the story was the perfect mixture of homage to the original and expansion of the story, and it had more of Sheri Moon Zombie being amazing and hot (not to mention she nailed the stripper/mom with disgruntled home life. I know stripper/moms with disgruntled home lives and that was an on-point portrayal). So based on what I saw in the first one, I’m hella down to see the next one.

I had hoped Zombie would be doing a part two although I wasn’t sure it was going to happen. Upon hearing there would be one the boy and I watched the first one again to double check on the ending. That resulted in a debate on if a person could really live after being shot in the head. I fall on the side of the many many horror movies that teach us that, yes, if someone is truly evil they can live through a shot to the dome. Silly boy, he comes in on the side of reality. Meh. But now in the trailer we see Michael popping out of the Coroner truck (and Mr. Zombie, how I adore you for picking your 2nd movie up where the 1st on left off. And you’ve adapted Dr. Loomis’s yelping about shooting Michael 6 (or was it 7? It’s been a while) times to having 6 guys shoot him. Your attention to detail is superb, you do us movie fans proud, sir) and that sufficiently ties up that loose end.

So I’m excited for about a billion and four reasons on this one. August 28th we get to see if round two is as great as round one.

The Final Destination



First of all, let’s get this straight, it’s Final Destination 4. Church it up however you want but it’s still the 4th one of these damn movies.

Even with that being said, I like them. I can’t help it. I’ve like each and every one of the Final Destination movies. Intricate deaths with plenty of blood and screaming, I tend to like that. Also anytime I get to see someone offed with a nail gun, my day is made (part 3). (Not to mention the Tony Todd bits in each of them. He’s one of the greats.) So I’ll be there to check out the new one. Especially since it’s releasing in 3-D (thank you, My Blood Valentine for bringing back horror in 3-D. I think all horror could be great in 3-D. Please make me believe that blood, deadly objects, and nasty bits of death are flying directly at my face). It’s also opening August 28th, so maybe I’ll just have a night at the movies.

Low Expectations

Know what I’m tired of? Movie snobs

The boy went out to the store the yesterday (he has the whole week off and nothing to do. Watch the amazing dwindling joint account!) and brought me back “a something”. It happened to be the movie The Unborn.



Apparently I had mentioned in passing that I wanted the check it out (had avoided it at the theater due to the PG-13) and he had filed it away in memory.

I didn’t remember much of anything about the flick when we popped it in last night. A girl with a twin that never got born. Something is trying to kill her. (This was what I informed the boy, complete with shrug, when he asked me what it was going to be about.) So after the boy grumbling about my lack of knowledge and the inability to skip the previews (that shit makes him freaking crazy!) we selected the unrated option and we were off on a movie adventure with low expectations.

Know what? It wasn’t bad. Dare I say I liked it? First there was the pleasant surprise of Cam Gigandet. Not only is he pretty easy on the eyes, he’s growing on me as an actor. Granted the roles I’ve seen him in thus far don’t give him room to really shine (we’re not talking, Leonardo Dicaprio here people.) but I see some potential in him. Whenever he gets the chance to do some evil on screen, it’s believable. I’m pretty sure he could make a good career of bad guy. And did I mention he’s awfully easy on the eyes?

The movie is strictly by the book with its sad Nazi camp back story, the “demon” that needs a door way, creepy movie projector scenes, traumatic childhood, and bad dreams. Although you can see the jump scenes coming far over the horizon, they still manage to get the job done. (There’s nothing I get more scare out of then a mirror. Damn things just give me the heebie jeebies.) However, there were some fun throw away scenes that I adored. The priests made them sign papers prior to the exorcism! A mighty realistic touch there. And I know for sure if I get beaten to death by a large, possessed priest I want that shit written on my tombstone! “Here lies Nikkole. A huge possessed priest beat her to death.” Priceless.

Watching this one was an altogether pleasing way to spend the evening. The flick wasn't amazingly fantastic, but it got the job done.

And that’s what annoys the fuck out of me. Today I get online to do a little research on it because I knew it was destine for a blog review. People hated this flick. The same things I took in stride (weak plot, cheesy acting) other people detested. Normal movie loving people, I give them some room to gripe. They don’t really get into the horror cheese. But the horror people junked this one too. It seems to me that these people are expecting waaaay too much from new horror flicks. Are you telling me you want to bag on a flick for bad acting? I’ve read (or maybe heard) the in the original Halloween (oh, yeah, bringing out the big guns) that PJ Soles gagged and gurgled as long as she could during her death scene just to get a little more screen time. That supposed to be good acting? And don’t even get me started on some of the plot holes of the much beloved horror giants. What’s the deal? Are people of the mind that just because there are lots of new glossy filming techniques that go into new horror movies that the entire genre should be 100% new and improved? I think people are forgetting to suspend the disbelief at opening credits. Their forgetting this is supposed to be fun.

So I say lower your expectations people. Don’t go into a horror flick expecting a masterpiece. Just try to have some fun.

Crash, Boom, and Bay

At the 8:50 showing, there was a line. The AC in the theater seemed to have been busted (and right now in Louisiana its 81 at 8:30 in the am. You walk outside, and you immediately begin to sweat your ass off). There were the usual assholes who think they’re so important they can’t sit through a whole movie without texting someone; despite all that, I enjoyed the hell out of Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen.





I’ve looked at the reviews and yeah, they look pretty bad. The people who said the worst about the film seemed to have three distinct gripes: they watched all the cartoons when they were younger and everything is wrong, the story telling was sooo horrible, and it wasn’t “family friendly”.

To the “everything is wrong” people, first let me say this: put down your toys and get yourself some sex. I’m serious! Sex will change your life! Now, I understand seeing something you love on screen and feeling that someone just took the names of your favorite characters and made a movie with them. I’m a Stephen King fan, ‘nuff said. However, I’ve come to realize that movies are probably going to be vastly different from the material their based on (particularly in the case of movies based on earlier materials). Thusly, if I have a lot of myself invested in a character I’m not going to see a remake (you think your gonna catch me at the remake… excuse me… reimagining of Nightmare on Elm Street? Negative, Ghostrider). I’m not going to set myself up to get my feelings hurt. I can’t honestly tell you how close Transformers is to the source material. (I wasn’t Transformers girl, I was Barbie girl.) If you really want to know, ask a fanboy.

Addressing the bad story telling. When you hear the name Michael Bay, you should immediately assume that you’re not heading into sophisticated drama territory. In my opinion Bay is good at doing two things: blowing shit up and slapping a coat of gloss on old stuff making it tolerable for teenage brats with no attention span. Does that sound bad? Sure it does. But if you know that’s what you’re headed into when you walking in the theater, you can’t get mad. The story was easy enough to follow, the Decepticons are trying to do the revenge thing and kick earth’s ass. Again Sam (Shia LaBeouf) is tapped by the Autobots to help put a stop to it. He doesn’t really want to because he’d rather be off doing to college thing. Under the crash, boom, bang and robots, there’s the subtle transformation (heh) from boy to man. So yeah, the plot is paper thin, but that’s not what you’re supposed to be there for. You’re there for robots fighting and shit blowing up. Mr. Bay reaches his objective once again.

“Family friendly”. I hate that term. I took my 11 year old nephew to see this. I found it age appropriate. In fact the Autobots with the foul mouths were what tickled him the most. (And me too for that matter. When used appropriately, dirty words can be hilarious.) Now when I say foul mouth I don’t mean they sound like my soldier boys after a few beers. I mean there was a scattering of bitch and ass. Word is you can’t say fuck more than twice in a PG-13 flick. (Fuck… heh, I’m now rated R.) Now was this movie appropriate for 4 and 5 year olds who have a tendency to repeat things like parrots? Probably not. But that’s what the rating system is for. Ideally, a person should see that little PG-13 and say to themselves, “Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t take little 4 year old Timmy to see this.” But of course that doesn’t happen and these idiots want to bag on a flick for being too vulgar when the real problem is their too damn stupid to consider the rating.

The movie was funny and fun. I think that most of the people who hated this one just need to lighten up. Is this a classic that will be revered through history? Nope, but it was great way to spend an evening with my boys.